So a few weeks ago I went through one of the worst experiences in my young adult life. I was sitting in class around 2:15, idly mining my own business, when I felt a real growler coming on. Now for normal people, I imagine this isn’t a problem. However, for me, shits are typically a twenty minute ordeal because when I shit it’s like shit coming out of an old school play-doh machine.
(not the same color, but surprisingly close)
So I excuse myself from the class and head to the men’s room, for what will probably be the rest of class. I get into the stall, check and make sure that there’s toilet paper, and proceed to plop my ass cheeks and shove one out that made my ass sound like a babbling brook. I finally finish and want to give a courtesy flush to the bathroom because the smell was just horrific. I go to reach for the flusher to flush this sludge occupying the toilet, but to my dismay, there was no flusher.
It was an automatic toilet.
I panic, and now am in a rolling sweat from the pushing and my fear. I had to get this shit down, so I had to stand up with my pants around the ankles and waddle to the edge of the stall so that this toilet would flush. It finally does, and I can start the wiping process, but in order to not clog the toilet, I had to repeat my waddling process about 7 times.
When I was finally done I washed my hands and checked my phone, realizing that the time was now 2:03 when my class ended at 1:50 and the next class started at 2:00. So I have now missed the rest of my class, and had to enter into a new class in order to get my backpack. The professor asked what I wanted when I entered the room, but I refused to answer and went on my way.
I now sit here in my apartment wanting to laugh about the situation but find myself still terribly embarrassed and am probably gonna go cry in my shower now. But I felt I should do you all a service though and remind you, before you shit, make sure the toilet is not automatic.
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