We don't really have any unique segments on this blog so I figured i'd try something out for a few weeks and see how it goes. Tuesday morning obviously sucks pretty bad so i'm gonna throw up a ridiculous video from the past to try and make it suck less.
This is one of my favorites. The lady's face at the beginning is priceless, not even the slightest idea of the two letter word that everyone learns as a toddler. Then after she decides to spin the wheel you get the classic AN-EF, confusion to confidence in one spin of the wheel.
Today was a great day for sports, football especially, and since I don't have any team in the playoffs I figured I would do everyone a favor and find the select few worst walks of life that went to games today. So here are a few of your fans of the night, courtesy of way more.
From Seattle: Birdman
Never been more confident that someone is a serial killer/rapist in my life.
From New England: The Sleep Clapper
Hope he doesn't keep his wife up at night with all that clapping! (get it? because this psycho clearly doesn't have a wife)
From Our Neighbors to the North in Montréal: The Uncomfortably Drunk Fathers
Fuckin' Habs fans.
PS - As if you didn't need a reason to hate the Patriots even more, they apparently allow Canadiens to sit front row at a playoff football game. What a slap in the face.
One of the best weekend in sports coming up. I love the NFL Divisional Round Playoffs, the best 8 teams playing against one another in the span of 2 days. All of the matchups have the ability to be classic games, except for maybe San Fransico-Carolina because I just really don't care much for that game. I'm going to pick all 4 games for this weekend instead of just doing 2 per day, because usually by the time I wake up on Sunday, the 1 o'clock game is already ready to start. So, here we go:
New Orleans at Seattle: The Saints are coming off their FIRST ever road playoff win in team history last week against the Eagles. But, the Eagles are a lot different than Seattle and Lincoln Financial Field is a whole lot different than CenturyLink Field in Seattle. The road to the Super Bowl in the NFC goes through Seattle which is a nightmare for all of the NFC teams. There is also supposed to be a 100% chance of rain for this game, which is great for Seattle, not for New Orleans.
Seattle 27-13
Indianapolis at New England: If I'm a Patriots fan (DJ, Tim), I'm feeling a little uneasy going into this game. Yes, they have the golden boy in Tom Brady, but the Colts have Andrew Luck, who orchestrated one of the best comebacks in NFL history against Kansas City last week. He will not be denied and will not go quietly into the night. Now, while every part of my body wants to pick the Colts, I just can't. The Patriots have Tom Brady and other teams don't and it's that simple. I will be rooting hard for the Colts, but I think their magic ends tonight.
New England 38-31
San Francisco at Carolina: This is easily the game I have the least interest in picking because, as I said earlier, I really do not care much for either of these teams. San Francisco is one of the hottest teams in the NFL as they have won 6 in a row, while Carolina is coming off one of their best regular seasons in recent memory. With that being said, I think Carolina is one year away from being a real threat in the NFC, while the 49ers have been here before.
San Francisco 17-13
San Diego at Denver: When these two teams met in Denver about a month ago, the Chargers proved to everyone that they felt like they were good enough to be in the playoffs by taking it to Denver. They disguised well and pressured Peyton and ended the Broncos' chance of an undefeated home record (also destroyed my fantasy football dreams). While I do believe that Denver will eliminate their mistakes this time around, you cannot count out a team that has nothing to play for, which is exactly what the Chargers are. But, I won't pick against Intern Hank and Peyton Manning.
Denver 31-20
If I could be one of the best players in my sport while having that gut, life would be good.
Today Nick Saban hired Lane Kiffin as his new offensive coordinator at University of Alabama. If you're like me, then your gut reaction should be "what the fuck is Saban doing?" and rightfully so. Lane Kiffin was a brutal head coach both at the NCAA and NFL level (just ask Jer) and generally he is thought of as kind of a douche. But remember this, the other times when Kiffin was strictly and O-coordinator was with the USC teams of the mid-2000's with Leinart and Bush, where he put up a USC record of 49.1 points per game there. Considering that USC is rich with college football tradition, that's pretty damn impressive. Plus, this is a Nick Saban hire, and our buddy Nick is simply never wrong, so I figure this is going to work out really well at 'Bama and everyone who's doubting this will have their foot in their mouth in a year or two. So while at first this hire may seem stupid as hell, I could totally see this working out and 'Bama starting another reign of terror.
PS - I would do an unholy amount of things just to get a whiff of Lane's wife after she runs a marathon.
I blogged about an hour ago about how no one cares about the Heat nicknames and how I had no idea why ESPN and Sportscenter was letting us know what Dwayne Wade, Mario Chalmers, and Shane Battier's nicknames were. So, naturally, I made fun of ESPN for featuring something stupid regarding the Heat.
Then, I turn on ESPN to watch the Heat-Nets game, and I see my boy Ray Allen wearing J.Shuttlesworth on the back of his jersey and that's when it all hit me. Tonight was that weird thing the NBA was doing where all of the players were wearing their nicknames on the back of their jerseys instead of last names. This explains the Sportscenter graphic earlier and now I feel dumb. I'm sorry.
PS-Still don't believe that Shane Battier's nickname is "Battle"
I get that ESPN loves the Heat and anytime anything happens regarding them, ESPN has to do a full-blown story, but do we really need the nicknames here? Like, honestly, what is the point of the nicknames here? There is no reason for this.
I feel like Shane Battier doesn't even have a nickname, but ESPN decided to just throw "Battle" in there because it's close to Battier.
So here's something I thought about today while I was eating at Chik-Fil-A. What is the best fast food chicken place? So here it is...
#3 Chick-Fil-A
Honestly I don't really like Chik-Fil-A. It's just so average it hurts. Some people go nuts for this place and I really don't get why. Yes their fries are great, but that's not a meal. Nuggets are average, Sandwiches are average, and sides (other than fries) are average. But I will say that it isn't a bad option when looking for something quick to eat.
#2 KFC
KFC is great what can I say. Their fries are different and I really like that about them. phenomenal honey mustard as well. The bowls are great and very cheap, so KFC is usually a good decision. The only thing keeping KFC from being higher on my list is the locations that KFC chooses. I have never seen a KFC in a nice area. Every time I go I pray that their is a drive through so that I don't have to get out of my car. But nonetheless a great place to get a piece of chicken.
#1 Popeyes
One of my favorite restaurants out there. Everything on the menu is good, and it's not expensive. The 5 piece spicy strip meal with fries as the side is my personal favorite. The dipping sauces are great and they don't charge extra for taking multiple flavors. With two types of ranch Popeyes is in another league when it comes to sauces and for me that makes my meal. Ipsofacto Popeyes is the best place.
PS- Sorry about not posting a lot. I just got back to school, but don't worry I'm back and will be on dude radio this week.
Sorry that I'm a day late on this, I got caught up yesterday doing nothing, but Frank "The Big Hurt" Thomas was voted into the Baseball Hall of Fame yesterday. This is a really cool feeling for me because growing up on the South Side of Chicago until I moved, I went to a ton of White Sox games and got to watch Frank Thomas play a lot. My summers consisted of going to Comiskey Park with my dad watching Pauly Konerko, The Big Hurt, and Magglio Ordoñez play for the South Side Boys of Summer.
I feel like a lot of people over look Frank Thomas because people think of him mainly as a DH, which he was to be fair. But he was one of the greatest hitters of all time and is probably the best player in White Sox history. Has a world series ring, batted .301 in his career, 521 dingers, and an OPS .974. Those are some unbelievable numbers and Frank Thomas absolutely deserves his spot in Cooperstown, so I'm thrilled he's gonna have his day there.
So here's to Frank Thomas, congratulations and let's all have a Big Hurt Beer in honor of him.
Don't care if he's a Celtic, I have always and will continue to always hate Kris Humphries. From his role as a part time Kardashian to him calling Rajon Rondo a rat after getting his ass kicked, I don't respect anything this guy stands for. The only time I had any shred of respect for Humphries came when he agreed to make fun of himself in this commercial.
Besides these six seconds of comedy, guy is a total squid. So Blake Griffin dunking on his head a la Timofey Mozgov was the best moment of the NBA season for me so far.
USA Today - In his two years at Texas A&M, Johnny Manziel accounted for 93 total touchdowns. Now he'll see how the Johnny Football Show will play at the next level. Following reports by NFL.com and ESPN saying Manziel submitted paperwork to enter the NFL draft, Manziel confirmed the news Wednesday — writing a thank you letter to Texas A&M fans for his two years in College Station. "I feel very relieved," Manziel said on Wednesday. "It's a weight off my shoulders. I'm ready to become a professional and dedicate myself to making my dream a reality of becoming the best quarterback I can be." In 2013, Manziel completed 69.9% of his passes for 4,114 yards and 37 touchdowns. He also rushed for 759 yards and nine touchdowns. In 2012, his Heisman year, Manziel rushed for 1,410 yards and 21 touchdowns.
A lot of people think Johnny Fuckin' Football may be going to the Browns. If the tank worked correctly, we could be seeing this next fall...
In the words of the ever wise Bart Scott, "CAN'T WAIT!" Believeland is back baby! Do you Johnny Football, and bring that Lombardi Trophy to the Mistake by the Lake!
Remember that time I said that I thought the NFL/football was a fix? Well here's just some food for thought that I want everyone to keep in mind after last night's game. Also note, I've congratulated DJ and think that the win by Florida State was amazing, but again, just some things to think about.
So Florida State won the game 34-31. This means that Florida State fans are happy because they won the championship, a big win for them. Also, the media wins because the fact that Jameis led the game winning drive with about a minute and a half left validates the fact that the media voted Jameis the winner of the Heisman, especially considering another Heisman candidate scored the touchdown before that. That being said, again, unreal drive by Jameis.
Now consider this: Florida State was favored in this game by 10.5 points. They only won by 3, meaning that Auburn fans who bet on this game at least still won money, so they're somewhat happy despite the loss. Also, the Auburn point total O/U was 29.5, meaning the confident Auburn fans who took the over also hit that bet, meaning they won money from that too. So while Florida State got their 'ship, Aubrun got their money.
All that's left to satisfy is the house (aka Las Vegas). The O/U as a whole on this game was 65. The final score was 34-31, which adds up to, drum roll please.......65! A PUSH! Which means both sides lose and the house wins. So Florida State won the game, Auburn fans won the moneyline, the media got their wish and had Jameis win the game, and the line setters in Vegas won on the push for the over under.
Now I reiterate again, I love football. Next to hockey it's my favorite sport to watch. But having said that, there's a lot of suspicious activity that goes on within the sport that should be considered, especially when you start looking at over unders and moneylines. Congrats to Florida State, totally deserved, but at the same time, fix fix fix.
PS - Jameis Winston is officially the dumbest person on the planet. I mean come on, how in the world did this kid get into Florida State?
Exciting week for hockey fans, a lot of really good games and Team Canada announced their final roster about a half an hour ago. Scary good team, but I'll get to that later. First, standings:
Eastern Conference: Points: 1. Pittsburgh Penguins 63 2. Boston Bruins 58 3. Montréal Canadiens 55 4. Tampa Bay Lightning 54 5. Detroit Red Wings 48 6. Toronto Maple Leafs 47 7. Philadelphia Flyers 46 8. Washington Capitals 46
__________________________________ 9. Carolina Hurricanes 45 10. New York Rangers 45 11. Ottawa Senators 45 12. New Jersey Devils 42 13. Columbus Blue Jackets 42 14. Florida Panthers 38 15. New York Islanders 37 16. Buffalo Sabres 28
Western Conference:Points: 1. Anaheim Ducks 67 2. Chicago Blackhawks 67 3. St. Louis Blues 63 4. San Jose Sharks 60 5. Colorado Avalanche 56 6. Los Angeles Kings 56 7. Vancouver Canucks 54 8. Phoenix Coyotes 49
___________________________________ 9. Minnesota Wild 49 10. Dallas Stars 47 11. Winnipeg Jets 43 12. Nashville Predators 42 13. Calgary Flames 36 14. Edmonton Oilers 33
Notes: Ducks continue to be pesky in the West, and the Blackhawks blew two huge opportunities for points, an OT loss against the Islanders and a shootout lost at home against the Sharks. They look like they're starting to lose their legs and have had some bad turnovers in their own zone. The Capitals have fallen all the way to 8 in the dumpster fire that is the Eastern Conference, and the Islanders are red hot after beating the Bruins and the Blackhawks this week. They're a team to watch in this second half as a possible 8 seed and watch out for the Lightning and the Blues, play great defense and know how to score.
Goals of the Week:
Ryan Johnasen vs. New York Rangers (shootout) 1/6/2014
Dangle city! Johansen just told Lundqvist to take a seat while the big boys play with that one. Basically standing right in front of him dangling the puck in his face then beats him stick side on a backhand. That's like he was just fucking Lundy's wife right in front of him on the ice (no it's not, but I'm too tired to thing of a better simile).
David Desharnais vs. Florida Panthers 1/6/2014
Honestly can't tell if that was a whiff or a fake. If that first shot was a fake then this is nasty. Just a little PEEK-A-BOO courtesy of White Goodman with that one, spins and beats Thomas backhanded. Nasty.
Kyle Okposo vs Chicago Blackhawks 1/2/2014
I was at this game so while it hurt to see my Hawks lose live, this was a sweet goal. Okposo had just gotten snubbed by the US Olympic Team the day before and rips a game winner top shelf to show everyone what he's got. Gotta feel good for the guy, even though I think it's justified that he's not on the US team.
It sucked to show the Hawks losing on a game winner as a goal of the week, so to make up for it here's Patrick Sharp's second hat trick in as many weeks.
Ahh, now I feel better.
In Other News: The Canada Hockey Team was announced today, and let me tell you, they are REALLY good. Luongo in net, Toews, Tavares, Sharp, Crosby, Rick Nash, Duncan Keith, Bergeron, really too many stars to list all of them so you can find the full roster here. Team Canada returns 11 players from their 2010 gold medal team and are definitely the favorites going in to Sochi. These guys are scary good and can really skate, so expect them to be in that Gold Medal game on Feb. 23. About 10 Blackhawks were named to Olympic teams which is awesome but kind of sucks because they are gonna be tired when the NHL playoffs roll around. Only good thing is the Blues have a ton of presence too, so they should hopefully lose some of their legs too.
So there's the halfway point update puckheads. Only a month away from the Olympics and a lot of games to watch this January so enjoy it. Also, shoutout to +Dj Anderson for his Florida State Seminoles winning the 'ship last night. The better team won and hats off to Deej, must be exciting. And to conclude, here's the Blackhawks Ice Girls to get you through your day.
Haven't been that connected to a game in any sport in a long time. With all due respect to the Red Sox and their World Series run, there is nothing that will have you clenching your butt cheeks like a very close championship football game. I have all the respect in the world for Auburn, Tre Mason is a monster and if he isn't one of the first running backs off the board in this year's draft then NFL GM's are messing up. Guz Malzahn is an unreal coach, as he can mask any type of play and have the opposing defense standing around with their fingers in their asses while his team churns out first downs and touchdowns.
That's what happened in the first half against Florida State. Malzahn ran complex read options and play action plays that confused the Florida State defense and gave Auburn a 21-10 lead at halftime. For the first time in his college career, Jameis Winston looked helpless in the first half of that game. He had been dealing with pressure very well all year long in his college career, and he couldn't do the same in the first half. However, it was the end of the first half that gave me a bit of confidence about the rest of the game.
Backed up on his on 30 yard line and facing a 4th and 6, Jimbo Fisher made one of the gutsiest calls in his tenure as a head coach. He called a reverse fake punt to Karlos Williams that barely picked up the first down for the Seminoles. The drive that ensued after this play was the first time that Winston looked confident in the BCS game. He made a few big throw and catches to Rashad Greene and Devonte Freeman was able to punch in a third yard touchdown to give FSU their first touchdown.
The third quarter of this game belonged to the Florida State defense. Partially due to a Cody Parkey shanked field goal, the Seminole D held the Auburn offense scoreless in the third quarter of this game. Roberto Aguayo nailed a 41 yard field goal (he never misses) and the score 21-13 heading into quarter 4. Just a quick note on a random aspect of the game. The Auburn punter almost single-handedly won the game for the Tigers. The amount of times that he pinned Florida State on their own 10 yard line was ridiculous. Best punting performance anyone's ever seen.
The grit of both teams in the final quarter of this game made this game an ESPN Instant Classic. In their second drive of the quarter, FSU was able to drive down the field and hit his full-back Chad Abram for an 11 yard score. After Parkey hit a field goal to expand Auburn's lead to 24-20, Levonte "Kermit" Whitfield showed his asafeleticism and brought back a kick 101 yards to give FSU the 27-24 lead. Jimbo Fisher also stole Red Lightning's thunder and camera time on the run-back.
After a demoralizing touchdown run from Tre Mason, Winston and the Noles faced the length of the field with only 1:11 left to score. Rashad Greene came up HUGE on the last drive, accounting for most of FSU's yards on their way down the field. Then, Kelvin Benjamin was able to redeem himself for his early game struggles, catching the game winning three yard touchdown with only 13 ticks left on the clock. That gave FSU the National Championship and finally broke the fucking SEC streak in title games.
Unreal football game though, goes right up there with the 2006 USC Texas Rose Bowl. Everything is gonna change next year though, no more BCS system, and a playoff system is finally in place. I think the game last night involved two teams that will undoubtedly be two of the best teams in College Football next season. Here's my early pre-season top 5.
2014 Pre-Season Top 5 College Football Teams
1. Florida State Seminoles
Until someone knocks them off, Jimbo Fisher's team will remain the number team in the land. Jameis Winston is returning for his redshirt sophomore year and will look to repeat on his amazing freshman year. The team could suffer some big losses in the next few days, as Kelvin Benjamin, Rashad Greene, Timmy Jernigan, and Nick O'Leary could all declare for the NFL draft. They will also lose seniors linebackers Christian Jones and Telvin Smith, defensive backs Lamarcus Joyner and Terrance Brooks, and starting O-lineman Bryan Stork and Jonathan Wallace. However, Fisher has dealt with big team losses in the past. Last year he lost 11 starters to the NFL draft and was able to bounce back with an undefeated season. Let's not forget that FSU's recruiting class has been ranked in the top three each of the past two seasons and their are studs waiting eagerly to play a bigger role. The team will certainly have a tougher out of conference schedule than last year, as they will play Oklahoma State, Louisville, and Notre Dame next year. They will have to earn it if they want to remain on top.
2. Auburn Tigers
The scariest thing about Auburn's incredible season is the youth of their football team. They had one of the best offensive lines in the entire country and they were starting two freshman and a sophomore. Those guys will only get better and it looks like star lineman Greg Robinson is leaning towards returning to be the anchor of the line in his senior season. Nick Marshall will be back and so will his favorite target Sammie Coates, who nearly amassed 1,000 yards in his sophomore year with the Tigers. If Tre Mason chooses to return to school, than the second year Malzahn offense could be terrifying for SEC opponents. They will need to improve many aspects of their defense, but their offense won't have many question marks going into next season.
3. Alabama Crimson Tide
It shouldn't be a surprise to anyone that Alabama and Auburn will be battling for the SEC at the end of next season. Many teams like LSU, Texas A&M, Georgia, South Carolina, and Missouri will remain factors in the conference. But, Bama and Auburn are clearly the best two teams in the conference right now. The biggest struggle for Saban's team might be replacing quarterback A.J. McCarron, one of the most successful players ever for Bama's program. There has been talk of Jameis Winston's back-up Jacob Coker transferring to Bama and taking over the starting job. Regardless of who inherits the position, they will have a full arsenal of weapons to work with next season. T.J. Yeldon will return coming off of two extremely successful seasons as the Bama starting back. Amari Cooper and Derrick Henry will also return for the Crimson Tide, adding to their fast and athletic offense. With Nick Saban at the helm, nothing is out of reach in any season for Bama.
4. Oregon Ducks
Marcus Mariota is returning for his senior season with the Ducks, and with the incredible skill position players around him, that might be enough for this team to win the Pac-12 next season. They will be losing several starters on defense, including their stud defensive back Ifo Ekpre-Olumu. But like many of the super powers in college football, the Ducks have great young players that have been chomping at the bit for more playing time. People will talk about the loss of De'Anthony Thomas, but I think he was one of the most overrated players in the country this season. He was hurt for most of the year, and when he played he just seemed to be messing up and costing his team. One of the biggest factors for the Ducks might be the lucky draw of their schedule next year. They will not have to play rising teams USC or Arizona State in conference play next year.
5. Michigan State
Michigan State could be the next rising power in the Big Ten. Their defense has been incredible for the past few seasons, and some credit needs to be given to the coaching of Mark D'antonio. He has built this program very well, and has owned rival Michigan in the past five years. The team's two most important offensive players, quarterback Connor Cook and running back Jeremy Langford will be returning next season. They got better all throughout the year, and if they can do the same next season then they will be a very scary team. I've gotta give them the edge over Ohio State in the Big Ten at the moment. One of the best games next year could come when the Spartans travel to Oregon to play the Ducks in non-conference play.
